we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I stole a fireplace last night.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
