This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Randomize
