New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
