everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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