giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
