Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
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