a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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