Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
