Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
