I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
