it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
