what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Randomize
