The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I bet he comes in French.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
