pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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