Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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