Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Randomize
