Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
