i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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