So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
