Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
