she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Come on in and take your pants off
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