need another drink. this is the easiest way
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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