If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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