Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize