I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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