How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I just had sex on a roof
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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