I just saw a hot homeless man
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Randomize
