I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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