she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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