i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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