your thong is hanging out like whoa
You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
