I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize