WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
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