they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
