my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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