i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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