I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
