I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
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