he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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