On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Randomize
