It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
