One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Banned from zoo.
Again?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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