We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
