OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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