I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize