We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize