I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
