PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
