i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
