Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Also, beer. Big fan.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
