i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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