somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
