I'm gonna have a badass scar
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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