I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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