I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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