When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
