Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I just want to make out with him forever
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
