I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
