I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
