and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
