He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I have fence marks all over my body
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
