Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I got her a Nickelback box set.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
