you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize