you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize