People with herpes should wear stickers.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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