So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
