the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
