It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
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