i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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