So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
