I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize