its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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