He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
