Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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