Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
soo... how was my night?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
