All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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