i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
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