Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
