Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
