I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
