People in love make me want to vomit
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Even my vagina gasped.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
