Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
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