That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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