whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Randomize
