Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
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