He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
