From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
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