Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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