Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
