ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize