Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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