I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
