I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
