well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
