Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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