Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Randomize
