how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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