Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
