ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
if only i could text you this smell
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Randomize
